I will not rent out the space in my head.

This needs to become my new mantra. "I will not rent out the space in my head." Over and over until I actually abide by it.

Recently I have noticed that I spend an unseemly amount of time reflecting on the slights and insults visited on me by others.  I compose retaliatory e-mails in my head.  I rehearse conversations that will never happen.  I script anticipated apologies.

It happens in spurts. This latest occurrence is tied to my layoff.  It has come to my attention that a particular person is being very unfair to me.  It bothers me that I do not, cannot know the cause of the disrespect.   Nor do I have any recourse.

But focusing on the hurt is doing me more harm than good.  It will not resolve the problem.  It takes energy away from my search for a new job.  It raises my blood pressure and stress level.  No vengeance or apology will be obtained.

As difficult as it is, I have decided to stop thinking about people who have wronged me.  As soon as I start thinking about one of those people, I will stop and I will focus on the good things that are in my life.

And there are many good things in my life.

It's a work in progress.  I caught myself obsessing while I was weeding the front yard.  I stopped, went inside, and hugged my dogs.

"I will not rent out the space in my head."

Really.