I've been having painful shoulder problems. Enough so that it is affecting my exercise routine. So I finally went to the doctor. Who sent me to a physical therapist.
Who told me that I need to stand up straight.
Learning to stand up straight after 40+ years of slouching is a painful proposition. And it got me wondering why I started to slouch in the first place.
Oh, yeah. Breasts.
I was the first to develop breasts in my 6th grade class. That kind of attention was horrifying to a shy wallflower.
So I started to slouch to hide them.
And have continued to slouch. I wanted to be respected for my intellect. In my mind that meant denying I have breasts.
At my age, I don't particularly care what people think about my looks.
Or thought I didn't care. Until I looked at myself in the mirror as I was checking my posture.
Breasts, boobs, whatever you want to call them. Sticking out farther than I am comfortable with.
A lot of the old insecurities came rushing back. Fear that I would be cat-called again. Dread that I wouldn't be looked in the eye. That I would be considered a dumb bimbo.
Which is stupid. Because the people I work with, my friends, all know I am smart.
I realized that the behavior of unknown "others" isn't my problem. My fear and reaction is my problem. And I can control that.
And I need to stand up straight.
So I am going to be a grown-up and stand up straight.
Because I am not a 12-year-old wallflower any more.
I'm a grown-up.
Who told me that I need to stand up straight.
Learning to stand up straight after 40+ years of slouching is a painful proposition. And it got me wondering why I started to slouch in the first place.
Oh, yeah. Breasts.
I was the first to develop breasts in my 6th grade class. That kind of attention was horrifying to a shy wallflower.
So I started to slouch to hide them.
And have continued to slouch. I wanted to be respected for my intellect. In my mind that meant denying I have breasts.
At my age, I don't particularly care what people think about my looks.
Or thought I didn't care. Until I looked at myself in the mirror as I was checking my posture.
Breasts, boobs, whatever you want to call them. Sticking out farther than I am comfortable with.
A lot of the old insecurities came rushing back. Fear that I would be cat-called again. Dread that I wouldn't be looked in the eye. That I would be considered a dumb bimbo.
Which is stupid. Because the people I work with, my friends, all know I am smart.
I realized that the behavior of unknown "others" isn't my problem. My fear and reaction is my problem. And I can control that.
And I need to stand up straight.
So I am going to be a grown-up and stand up straight.
Because I am not a 12-year-old wallflower any more.
I'm a grown-up.